Psychotherapy and Meditation
My teenage years, were marked by confusion, depression, and self-destructive tendencies, I found the world to be seemingly pointless and chaotic.
Despite their career success, connections with influential people, and financial stability, my parents and their friends didn't serve as role models I was drawn towards. While I could recognise their achievements and societal standing as individuals, they didn't offer any aspirations that resonated with me.
My introduction to Chithurst Forest Monastery came through a BBC documentary titled 'The Buddha Comes to Sussex'. My visit to the monastery was driven more by curiosity than religious fervour. However, I discovered a supportive environment, I deeply needed.
After spending over five years within the Thai Forest Tradition as a novice and monk, I disrobed and pursued training in Gestalt Group and Individual Psychotherapy. My primary focus has been on Gestalt and Psychoanalysis, both of which have greatly aided me in integrating Buddhist theory and meditation practices into my understanding.
From a contemplative perspective, psychotherapy and meditation share a common goal: exploring our inner selves and the intricate characteristics of our minds. This journey is not about embracing dogmatic views but attaining experiential wisdom through direct knowledge.
As human beings, our universal pursuit is happiness. However, if we believe that joy solely resides in the external world, we find ourselves endlessly searching, caught in the cycle of object attachment. This attachment, rooted in the belief that external factors determine happiness, leads to perpetual disappointment and dissatisfaction. Yet, the truth lies within – pleasure and joy emanate from our minds, not external objects.
Our yearning to be genuinely heard and seen by others requires profound self-reflection. To authentically perceive and understand another, we must first cultivate a deep awareness of ourselves. This transformation hinges on our ability to listen to and see ourselves with increasing clarity and acceptance.
Drawing insights from Freud, we recognise that biological needs and drives underlie human behaviour. These drives, often unconscious, extend beyond mere survival and reproduction. They encompass the preservation and flourishing of the ego, denoted by the term 'ego,' meaning 'I.' These drives manifest as feelings and emotions, or 'affects,' and are governed by the 'pleasure principle,' seeking pleasurable feelings and avoiding the unpleasant. In essence, our minds are inherently biological.
The antidote to this biological conditioning is reflection and meditation, extending far beyond the traditional image of sitting on a cushion and focusing on the breath. Psychotherapy itself is a form of meditation that requires the courage to confront and sit with our suffering, pain, and humiliation directly. When faced with discomfort, our instinct is often to escape it. However, in meditation or psychotherapy, we develop an alert and mindful state to bring awareness to every facet of our daily lives.
Most of our actions, thoughts, and speech occur unconsciously. We remain oblivious to the underlying drives that influence our minds and shape our actions. We gain insight into the attachments and drives that underlie our reactions when we consciously engage with our emotions, such as anger.
In psychotherapy, encouragement is to sit with our emotions, such as anger or resentment, without seeking blame or justification. Instead, we delve into our emotions' root causes and consequences, free from the urge to escape or deflect.
In psychotherapy, the seemingly straightforward act of genuinely hearing and seeing another person can be obscured by the complexity of understanding ourselves. Our inner voices, shame, assumptions, and the influence of cultural and familial experiences can obscure our perception of others.
On the flip side, as a client in therapy, I've come to appreciate the humility and generosity required to allow myself to be genuinely seen and heard by my psychotherapist. In therapy, I've learned how to navigate the process, trusting that my therapist can meet my difficult emotions with compassion and without condemnation.
As a psychotherapist, I recognise that perfection is unattainable. Instead, I strive to understand myself with each unique client. This understanding evolves as clients elicit varied reactions, thoughts, and emotions within me. In this framework of imperfection, my primary duty is to create a safe and contained therapeutic space. Clarity regarding confidentiality, payment, session frequency, timing, and cancellations is essential and established collaboratively to ensure mutual contentment.
This dialogue requires warmth, kindness, and empathy, balanced with congruence in addressing the client's needs and mine. While some clients naturally align with my idealised therapeutic role, others may present resistance or an unwillingness to change their blaming or victim narrative, often stemming from trauma. Being present with such clients can be challenging, triggering feelings of inadequacy, blame, and professional doubt. My task is to sit with those unpleasant feelings and trust that the client is doing the work they need to do in their own time and not according to my agenda.
Supervision plays a vital role in processing these emotions and gaining perspective on therapeutic encounters. I've found that sharing certain feelings with clients can be transformative, while others remain elusive. It's a reminder of the fluidity and complexity inherent in the therapeutic process.
Moreover, the seemingly smooth interactions with some clients sometimes mask a reluctance to access my authentic self. The desire to be the idealised therapist can lead me to overlook unexplored aspects of my psyche.
In conclusion, the psychotherapy relationship is a profound privilege, allowing me to accompany clients through their raw pain and confusion. The love and compassion experienced in this process can be profound, ultimately leading to the client's internalisation of self-acceptance and the development of wisdom. This journey underscores the transformative power of psychotherapy for both the therapist and the client, grounded in exploring our inner worlds.
‘The Buddha Comes to Sussex’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JznA4ueq2vE