Menopause Part 2 - Lucie Oliver
To understand how far-reaching the menopause is, it can be useful to view the experience through the ‘bio/psycho/social model’. This allows for different strands to be considered and perhaps recognise where elements overlap. The social aspect of menopause can be particularly interesting, as depending on our culture, we may have been taught that the menopause is to be quietly tolerated. On the other hand, it may have been modelled to you that ‘going down a gear’ and resting is both anticipated and accepted. It is fascinating to be exploring the topic when there is clearly something resembling a revolution around menopause in the UK presently. As I observe the rise of ‘Menopause cafes’ and references in television,* I am surprised and intrigued when I hear a woman say ‘we’re talking about it too much’. How the menopause is modelled to us both in our family and wider society plays into our expectations and etiquette around something that is unique to all of us. It is my wish that our experience be met compassionately by those close to us and healthcare providers, so that we can engage fully with the transition and not feel as though it is something we have to hide.
*Kristin Scott Thomas in Fleabag.
*The Change by Bridget Christie, Channel 4.
The bio/psycho/social model can be broken down quite simply:
Biological
weight change
night sweats
change in bleeding stuckness
skin dryness
loss of collagen
fallen arches
digestive changes
joint pain
illness
Psychological
anxiety/stress
depression
longing/loss
imposter syndrome
health anxiety
mood dysregulation
suicidal thoughts/ideation
regret
Social
empty nest
ageing parents
bereavement
ageing
career change
societal discount
pubescent teens
feeling the impact
sense of inequality
As already mentioned, issues can easily crossover from one element to another or create a domino effect. Anxiety and foot pain (plantar fasciitis caused by reduced collagen) for example, can have a marked impact on how we present at work. The latter can make driving difficult too, which can be challenging, if this is your key method of transportation.
Pushing back against the social model.
In modern society, where youth and a youthful appearance are highly prized, it can be easy to feel ‘less than’ as we age and our bodies change. This can be as significant for men as it is for women and I have been prompted to think about where men ‘hang their ageing hat’ of late. As I/we lean into the menopause and demand we be supported rather than discounted, I am invited to consider how ageing lands with all gender identities and where this might be different/similar across the spectrum.
An interesting cultural figure that is available for women to consider is the ‘crone’ archetype. In Pagan culture (amongst others), the crone was a woman of wisdom, inner knowing and intuition. She had status and respect, which were hard earned after living out her roles as first maiden and then mother**. The term has warped over the years and is now commonly used in a derogatory manner to demean a woman ‘past her prime’. Not just a reflection of how society responds to ageing, but also how it can embed the notion that a woman has little or nothing to offer once her fertile years are behind her.
The medical model is less than helpful in this regard with its negatively loaded terminology regarding female fertility. Consider the labels ‘premature ovarian insufficiency’ or ‘ovarian failure’ and see how they promote a sense of inadequacy in a woman who might not be able to fulfil the role of becoming a biological mother.
And what of the woman who is relieved by the prospect of no longer being able to conceive, whether she has had children or not? For some, not having to think about contraception any more after decades of managing it, can be truly liberating. The shift from motherhood to crone can therefore be a welcome one, ripe with opportunity and some long awaited time for self.
At this point, I would heartily recommend viewing the aforementioned clip of Kristin Scott-Thomas in Fleabag:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZrnHnASRV8
It is also worth noting that when interviewed, Kristin said ‘I think it was the happiest I have ever been when somebody has asked me to do a film’. She went on to say how fantastic it is when a writer ‘gives you words that you have been wanting to say forever’. It feels as though both actor and character are on board with what is being said here.
**If you would like to read further around this topic, I can recommend ‘Reclaiming the Crone: Reimagining Old Age and Feminine Power’ by Lorna Stevens, University of Bath (an easy google search).
However we experience the menopause, with its giddy combination of physical, emotional, social and psychological changes, the invitation to change is loud and clear. Experience has shown me that it gives rise to broader reflections on ageing and I have heard women in their fifties refer to entering ‘the final third of my life’. Acknowledging this is one thing, taking the time to recalibrate and explore what your dreams and goals are for this precious time, another. I have found that some ‘how to’ menopause texts recommend taking significant chunks of time out during this transitional phase. A wonderful idea, though unrealistic for many of us, as we continue to work, parent and care for the wider family from peri to post-menopause.
However, a weekly yoga class or online meditation can create space for a period of reflection or the ‘rest’ that many of us need as we navigate the shift in our hormones.